Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Benefits of Abstinence with Teens

By Connect with Kids

“If you don’t feel that they should be having sex at this age, tell them that. Explain your values. Listen to them as well, give them a chance to express their opinions as well, and you can have a discussion about it. It’s very important that adolescents have a chance to express their own opinions and to hear your reactions to those opinions.”

– Dr. Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician

Regret can be a great teacher and, according to a new survey of high school students, that’s especially true when it comes to teenagers and sex.

Trey was 14 when he first had sex.

“Just the pressure -- upper classmen -- they were just ragging me on to do it, and I just fell into that trap. I fell into that peer pressure,” says Trey, 17.

Afterwards, Trey says he regretted it.

“Just the feeling, the emotions that were going through my mind…and my thoughts were, ‘What am I doing? I feel like I’m soliciting myself, I don’t know even know this girl’s name by heart,’” recalls Trey.

In a survey of high school students by researchers at the University of California, San Francisco, sexually-experienced teens were twice as likely to value abstinence as teens who were virgins. It seems that it is after having sex that some kids learn the value of being abstinent.

“It’s unfortunate that they had to learn it the hard way, but one of the things that they’re realizing is that there is an alternative way: there’s a way for me to court [someone], or to get a guy that I like to court me and respect me and for me not to have sex,” says Alduan Tartt, psychologist.

Experts say another way kids can learn about the risks and complications of sex are from their parents -- not from “atalk” but with a conversation.

“If you don’t feel that they should be having sex at this age, tell them that. Explain your values. Listen to them as well, give them a chance to express their opinions as well, and you can have a discussion about it. It’s very important that adolescents have a chance to express their own opinions and to hear your reactions to those opinions,” says Dr. Mark Schuster, M.D., Ph.D., pediatrician.

Trey says he’s choosing abstinence now and it feels right.

“You don’t have anything to worry about. You don’t have to worry about if you have an STD. You’re just focused on your goals,” says Trey.

Tips for Parents

Abstinence is defined as not having sex. A person who decides to practice abstinence has decided not to have sex. (Nemours Foundation)

Abstinence is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy. Although many birth control methods can have high rates of success if used properly, they can fail occasionally. Practicing abstinence ensures that a girl will not become pregnant because there is no opportunity for sperm to fertilize an egg. (Nemours Foundation)

Only complete and consistent abstinence can totally protect against STDs. Because a person does not have any type of intimate sexual contact when he or she practices complete abstinence, there is no risk of passing on a sexually transmitted infection. (Nemours Foundation)

Don't let teasing or pressure from friends, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, or even the media push you into something that's not right for you. Research shows that the majority of teens are not having sex. (www.connectwithkids.com/everybodysnotdoingit)

A couple can still have a relationship without having sex. If you've made a decision not to have sex, it's an important personal choice and the people who care about you should respect that. (Nemours Foundation)

You may have questions about making this choice or about other methods of birth control. Your doctor or nurse — or an adult you trust, such as a parent, teacher or counselor — can help provide accurate answers. (Nemours Foundation)

References

Nemours Foundation
Children and Youth Coordinating Council (CYCC) www.connectwithkids.com/everybodysnotdoingit

Sue Scheff: ADHD and Drug Abuse

By Connect with Kids

“In other words, [children with ADD] are no more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs than someone who doesn’t have ADD.”

– William Buchanan, Ph.D., clinical psychologist

As more and more children are diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD/ADD), millions of parents must decide whether to put their kids on medication. Many worry that taking drugs today may cause children to abuse drugs later in life.

“When you hear the word ADHD you’re instantly alarmed,” says Gina Hagin, mother.

When 9-year-old Graysen first starting taking Ritalin, his mom was worried.

“Just the thought of putting your child on a narcotic for an extensive period of time is very scary,” says Hagin, Graysen’s mother.

Ritalin is actually a stimulant, and starting kids on it at early age is scary for parents for a number of reasons.

“They range from growth type of things [such as] stunted growth, which really is not the case, to things like whether this would lead to drug abuse and dependence,” says Dr. Elaine Mateo, M.D., psychiatrist.

Does it lead to later drug abuse? Doctors at Massachusetts’s General Hospital tracked more than 100 ADHD patients for 10 years. They found that the use of ADHD medicine has no impact on future substance abuse.

“In other words, they’re no more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs than someone who doesn’t have ADD,” says Dr. William Buchanan, Ph.D., clinical psychologist.

Experts caution, however, that if a child already has a substance abuse problem, parents should consult their child’s physician.

“We don’t want to make something more available to them that they can misuse. But taking the medication itself is not going to lead to a dependence,” says Mateo.

Before Ritalin, Graysen couldn’t concentrate and his grades were terrible.

“It was sometimes frustrating and I’d just want to cry,” says Graysen.

Today, he’s an A student and a happier boy.

“To see in your child’s eyes a yearning and a sadness, and then to go from that to see your child productive and happy -- you can’t replace that,” says Hagin.

Experts say it’s important to talk to your kids, even at an early age, about the exact purpose of their medicine and how it should be used

Tips for Parents

Some of the medicines for ADHD are stimulants, but instead of stimulating the person or making him or her more jittery, they help control ADHD symptoms. (Nemours Foundation)

The medicine usually comes in pills or capsules. The doctor will explain how often the child needs to take the medicine. Parents and children will have to work out a schedule for taking it so it becomes part of the normal routine, like teeth brushing. (Nemours Foundation)

Just like with any medicine, the person's parents and doctors will want to watch for side effects, which are other problems or symptoms that may be caused by the medicine. Common side effects from stimulant drugs include irritability (feeling grouchy), headaches and stomach trouble. (Nemours Foundation)

If your child is diagnosed with ADHD, you have several treatment options to consider. The most common treatment is the use of medication. Stimulant drugs, such as Ritalin, Cylert and Dexedrine, when used with medical supervision, are usually considered quite safe and effective. (National Institute of Mental Health)

Symptoms can be classified as “inattention” and “hyperactivity-impulsivity.” (The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, CDC)

“Inattentive” Symptoms (if your child shows six or more of these symptoms for six months, consult your child’s physician):

Does not give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work or other activities

Has trouble keeping attention on tasks or play activities

Does not seem to listen when spoken to directly

Often does not follow instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions)

Has trouble organizing activities

Avoids, dislikes or does not want to do things that take a lot of mental effort for a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework)

Loses items (toys, school assignments, pencils, books, tools, etc) needed for tasks and activities

Often easily distracted

Often forgetful in daily activities

“Hyperactivity-Impulsivity” Symptoms: (if your child shows six or more of these symptoms for at least six months, consult your child’s physician)

Fidgets with hands or feet, or squirms in seat

Gets up from seat when he/she is expected to stay seated

Runs around or climbs when and where it is not appropriate

Often has trouble playing or enjoying leisure activities quietly

Is often “on the go” or often acts as if “driven by a motor”

Talks excessively

Blurts out answers before questions have been finished

Has trouble waiting his or her turn

Interrupts or intrudes on others (during conversations or games, for example)

References
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
Nemours Foundation

Sue Scheff News Articles on Parenting and Cyber Safety

I created a Blog that I update regularly regarding News Articles on Parenting today as well as the expanding concerns that surround the Internet, such as Cyberbullying.

Click Here.

by Sue Scheff, Parents Universal Resource Experts

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Teen Suicide, Communication with your Teen

As you have probably heard before, talking to your teen about suicide is one of the most important things you can do in helping to prevent a suicide attempt. Many times parents are unsure of what to say and instead say nothing. Here are some suggestions of how you can open the channels of communication and help your teen open up.

First, tell your teen you care; no matter the state of your relationship, just hearing this can go a long way. Tell your teen you are there if needed, and are willing to listen without judging. NAMI estimates that around 80% of all teens who attempt suicide give some sort of verbal or nonverbal warning beforehand, so be sure to take whatever your teen says completely seriously.

A common mistake parents make when dealing with a suicidal teen is thinking that if they mention suicide they will be planting the idea in their teen’s brain. This is simply not accurate. In fact, by mentioning your fears, you are showing your teen that you take their actions and their life seriously. Remember, most people who are suicidal do not really want to die- they want to put an end to the suffering they are experiencing. When given an opportunity to be helped through that suffering, or when some of that suffering is alleviated by knowing they aren’t alone, this can help reduce the desire to end the pain by more drastic means.

More information on Teen Suicide.
Sue Scheff, Parents Universal Resource Experts

Sue Scheff: Teen Runaways - Statistics

Taking Action: Get Educated Scary Statistics

21% of runaways are victims of domestic physical or sexual abuse at home prior to running away, or are afraid a return home would result in abuse.

19% of runaways are/were dependant on at least one substance.

18% of runaways are 13 years or older.

18% of runaways end up in the company of someone known to be abusing drugs.

17% of runaways end up using hard drugs.

12% of runaways spend time in a place where criminal activity is known to occur.

11% of teens participate in criminal activity while on the run.

4% of runaway teens have attempted suicide previous to running away.

4% of runaways are physically assaulted or the subject of an attempted assault while on the run.

The Power of Knowledge: Work to Be a Better Parent
Even the best parents can use skill training. Continue to improve your skills both as a communicator and a parent, as well as the problems facing teenagers today. Join your family through problem-solving skills to avoid conflict.

Evaluate yourself. Do your bad habits seem to rub off on your teen? Get healthy!
Develop a crisis intervention plan for your teen if the situation causing thoughts of running away involves a crisis or recurrent crisis.

Consider seeking professional help for your teen if he/she seems out of control, including self-harm, suicidal thoughts, or violent behavior. Emotional problems associated with anger, sadness or despair are very serious and should be dealt with accordingly.

Evaluate any use of alcohol or drugs by your teen immediately. Seek professional help if you think he/she may have an addiction problem.

Consider attending classes or educational workshops yourself to improve on your parenting skills. Even the very best parents can use support! Your city may offer training in communication and interpersonal skills that can offer help for dealing with divorce, anger, violent behavior, and conflict resolution.

Develop a plan throughout the family for conducting argumentative communication calmly and respectfully. Doing so will promote communication rather than argument.

More information on Teen Runaways

By Sue Scheff, Parents Universal Resource Experts

Sue Scheff: Teen Internet Addiction

In today's society, the Internet has made its way into almost every American home. It is a well-known fact that the web is a valuable asset for research and learning. Unfortunately, it can also be a very dangerous place for teens. With social networking sites like Myspace and Friendster, chat rooms, instant messaging, and online role-playing video games, our children are at access to almost anyone. Sue Scheff, along with Parent's Universal Resource Experts™, is tackling the dangers of the web.

Keeping tabs on our teens' online habits doesn't just keep them safe from online predators. More and more parents are becoming wary of the excessive hours their teens spend surfing the web, withdrawing from family, friends and activities they used to enjoy. Internet Addiction is a devastating problem facing far too many teens and their families. While medical professionals have done limited research on the topic, more and more are recognizing this destructive behavior and even more, the potential mental effects it can have.

Find out more about Teen Internet Addiction.

Though the web is a great place for learning and can be safe for keeping in touch, it is important that families understand the potential risks and dangers to find a healthy balance between real and virtual life.

Sue Scheff: At Risk Teenagers

by Connect with Kids

The Risk Within

Today, the number-one killer of adolescents is not disease or illness; it is accidental injury, often caused by risky behavior. Kids’ lives depend on the choices they make - choices to drink and drive, to take drugs, to have unprotected sex - or to say no.

Of course, not all risks are harmful, and in fact, taking some risks - trying out for a sports team or the school play, asking someone out, learning a new skill - is a valuable part of growing up. What can you do to help children make smart choices? How can you prevent them from hurting themselves or others?

Kids don’t always listen to adult warnings about the consequences of risky behaviors... but they will listen to the kids in The Risk Within- kids they can relate to... stories they can learn from and talk about with parents and teachers.

This Connect with Kids has been awarded the Parents’ Choice Award. Programs are used in homes and schools across the country, recommended by teachers, Safe and Drug Free Counselors, health counselors and other educators.

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Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.