Sue Scheff: Teen and Kids Book Clubs

As parents, we need to start our kids young and get them interested in reading and books. Many local libraries can offer book clubs, as well as online social book clubs. Here are some great parenting tips.

Source: Connect with Kids

“You can see the book from everybody else’s perspective and get their opinions on certain things in the book.”

– Antonia McManus, 16 years old, discussing what she enjoys about book clubs

Thanks to online communities and social networking sites, today young people are using new ways to rediscover an old pastime … talking about books in a book club. Even old fashioned face-to-face book clubs are enjoying a resurgence.

It’s a Saturday afternoon…and instead of sleeping late or watching TV, this group of kids are talking about books.

In fact, book clubs are becoming more popular among American kids.

11-year-old Kenya read about singer Lena Horne, who was the first African-American pin-up girl. “It was just amazing to see a black women as the star and not just a mammy or a maid,” she says.

But did all these kids come enthusiastically?

No, not exactly.

“I was like ‘book club, uh, I don’t know,’ but – so, I was just trying it out. My mom didn’t make me, but I just tried it out,” says 16-year-old Antonio.

And if they’ll try it, the experts say, there are ways to get them to come back.

“Make it fun, serve pizza, serve brownies, have door prizes,” says Carla McManus, the president of Sisters and Brothers of Hotlanta Book Club.

She says it also helps to connect books to the real world. “We talk about things that are happening in the community, so you can relate whatever you’ve read in the book to what’s happening now.”

Here they have long talks about the books they have selected, which most kids don’t get to do when they’re in school.

“I mean, they’ll talk about the Civil War, maybe, but you don’t learn specifically on specific black people and what they’ve done,” says Antonio.

“There’s not a lot of history- African-American history being taught in the schools,” says McManus. “If you don’t know your history you are bound to repeat it and I want the children to understand and be familiar with where they’ve come from so that we will not repeat history.”

And these kids say, book clubs work – they’re learning to love books and love reading.

“I feel like I’m actually in the book and doing what the actual main character is doing,” says 13-year-old Justin.

16-year-old Antonia says reading gives her a nice break from the day, “It gives me time to sometimes get my mind straight and get away from the world and just sit down and read a book.”

Tips for Parents

Fewer teens are reading for fun today than in 1971. That statistic from the National Assessment for Educational Progress (NAEP) is significant because reading for fun is considered an important factor in improving teens’ reading comprehension. Although the literacy movement in the United States is strong, the American Library Association (ALA) says it is focused primarily on elementary school-aged children.

“Reading development is a continuum,” according to the ALA, “yet emphasis on literacy decreases after elementary school.”

Consider these facts about teens and reading from the NAEP:

■The latest reading test scores from the NAEP show that children scored lower in reading than in 1992.
■The percentage of students performing at or above Basic decreased from 80 percent in 1992 to
73 percent in 2005, and the percentage of students performing at or above the Proficient level decreased from 40 to 35 percent over the same period of time.
■Higher average reading scores were generally associated with higher levels of parental education. Students who reported that at least one parent graduated from college scored higher than students who reported lower levels of parental education.
■In 2005, female twelfth-grade students scored 13 points higher on average in reading than male students.
The Rand Reading Study Group cites this additional reading research:

■All high school graduates are facing an increased need for a high degree of literacy, including the capacity to comprehend complex texts, but comprehension outcomes are not improving.
■Unacceptable gaps in reading performance persist between children in different demographic groups. The growing diversity of the U.S. population will likely widen those gaps even further.
How can teens improve their reading skills and learn to enjoy reading more? The ALA says that parents and teachers need to help teens realize the value of reading in their lives by providing them with the following elements:

■Time: Teens need specific opportunities to schedule reading into their days.■Choice: Choosing their own reading materials is important to adolescents who are seeking independence.■Support: Time and choice mean little if no support exists. Support includes actions like bringing books to the classroom, arousing children’s interest in reading, reading aloud selections and fostering student-to-student and student-to-adult conversations about what is read.
Ten million American children have difficulties learning to read, according to the National Institute of Child Health and Development (NICHD). Of those, 10-15% eventually drop out of school, and only 2% complete a four-year college program.

Children with reading difficulties stop and start reading frequently (known as choppy reading), mispronouncing some words and skipping others entirely. They soon grow ashamed as they struggle with a skill their fellow students seem to master easily. Reading-impaired children also experience difficulty exploring science, history, literature, mathematics and other information that is available in print.

NICHD research shows that reading disabilities affect boys and girls at about the same rate. However, boys are more likely to be referred for treatment since they are more likely to get the teacher’s attention by misbehaving. Reading disabled girls may escape the teacher’s attention and withdraw into themselves.

References
■American Library Association
■National Institute of Child Health and Development
■National Institute for Literacy ■Rand Reading Study Group

Sue Scheff: Alcohol and The Teen Brain

Source: Connect with Kids

“And one important difference we found…was that the kids with the heavy drinking patterns were not able to retain as much information as the kids who were non-drinkers.”
– Susan Tapert, Ph.D., clinical psychologist

16-year-old Veronica Dyer is taking part in a long-term study. The National Institutes of Health is examining the effects of alcohol on the teenage brain.

“And one important difference we found…was that the kids with the heavy drinking patterns were not able to retain as much information as the kids who were non-drinkers,“ says Susan Tapert, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist involved in the study.

“The subject on the left is a normal, healthy 15-year-old boy,” says Tapert, as she looks as brain images, “and the subject on the right is a 15-year-old boy who is actually a very heavy drinker. You can see that this is a really important area of the brain for remembering locations of things, and over here – nothing. [The heavy drinker] is not using these important brain areas to do this task, and as a result he actually didn’t perform as well on the task.”

Teens who drink twice a week consistently scored an average of ten percent lower on short-term memory tests, compared to non-drinkers.

In other words, says Tapert, “the heavy drinker is more likely to get a B, whereas the non-drinker would be able to get an A. So it’s kind of that amount of a difference.”
16-year-old K.T. Taylor says she’s been drinking heavily for four years. Now in rehab, Taylor says the alcohol has affected her memory.

“Yeah, my memory changed a lot,” she says. “I can’t remember anything anymore. I still do good on my tests – it’s just more effort than I used to have to put into it.”
Has K.T. suffered any long-term damage from drinking? No one knows. But Veronica isn’t taking that risk.

“I personally have never drunken even an entire drink of alcohol,” she says. “A lot of my friends have and I have seen how it affected them. They’re slower in school and that’s all they think about doing. And they become addicted to it in a way and I don’t want to be into that, so I don’t do it.”

Tips for Parents

Research shows that adolescents may be more vulnerable to brain damage from excessive drinking than older drinkers. Alcohol impairs brain activity in the receptors responsible for memory and learning, and young people who binge drink could be facing serious brain damage today and increased memory loss in years to come. If one begins drinking at an early age, he/she is more likely to face alcohol addiction. Consider the following …

Imaging studies have revealed a connection between heavy drinking and physical brain damage.
Neither chronic liver disease nor alcohol-induced dementia, the most common symptoms of severe alcoholism, need be present for alcohol-induced, physical brain damage to occur.
Alcohol-induced brain damage usually includes extensive shrinkage in the cortex of the frontal lobe, which is the site of higher intellectual functions.

Shrinkage has also been observed in deeper brain regions, including the cerebellum, which helps regulate coordination and balance, and brain structures associated with memory.

Alcohol abstinence has shown positive results. Even three to four weeks without alcohol can reverse effects on memory loss and problem-solving skills.

Adolescents have a better chance of recovery because they have greater powers of recuperation. If you suspect your child has alcohol-related brain damage, it is imperative to have him or her assessed by a medical doctor or psychologist. Treatment depends on the individual and the type of brain damage sustained. People with impaired brain function can be helped. Often it is necessary to reduce the demands placed on the patient. Also, a predictable routine covering all daily activities can help. Consider the following points when easing your child’s routine …
Simplify information. Present one idea at a time.

Tackle one problem at a time.

Allow your child to progress at his or her own pace.
Minimize distractions.
Avoid stressful situations.
Structure a schedule with frequent breaks and rest periods.
Consider joining an alcoholism support group.

References
Alcoholism Home Page
Better Health Channel
National Youth Violence Prevention Center
Psychological Assessment Research and Treatment Services
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff- Teen Pregnancy on the Rise?

Teen birth rates up? Parents need to take steps to learn why - what can they do to help their young teens understand having a child is not easy. Before you are faced with this difficult and sensitive situations, continue opening communication about sex as well as contraceptives. Years ago a young teen getting pregnant seemed like the worst possible situation - now having unprotected sex can not only lead to pregnancy and big decisions for young teens, but deadly diseases. Take time to learn more.

Source: Connect with Kids

“It does give them another way to look at themselves, and to look at their bodies as a powerful force and not just sort of ornamental.”
– Laura Mee, Ph.D., Child Psychologist.

One girl gives birth to a baby. Another plays basketball with her brother. What’s the connection?

Studies show girls who play sports are less likely to have sex and less likely to get pregnant. One reason may be these athletes gain confidence and respect for their bodies.

“It does give them another way to look at themselves, and to look at their bodies as a powerful force and not just sort of ornamental,” explains child psychologist, Dr. Laura Mee.

Experts say experiencing pressure on the court gives them the strength to resist pressure from a boyfriend. And, in their free time, it gives them something else to focus on besides how they look, “Their hair, their clothes, their, like reputation… mostly all they want to do is impress the boys,” says 12-year-old Claire.

What’s more, studies have found that athletic girls have higher self-esteem, better grades and less stress.

So, experts say, encourage your daughters to get involved in sports and then cheer them on. “Make it as important that your daughters have sporting events as you would for your son that you treat them as equally as you possibly can, that you support and encourage and that the other children, whether they are male or female, support and encourage each other in their sports activities,” says Mee.

Tips for Parents

Sex is something parents should constantly discuss with their teens, but you should really give your teens “the talk” before summer and Christmas vacation. According to one study, teens are much more likely to lose their virginity during the months of June and December than any other time of the year. Almost 19,000 adolescents in grades seven through twelve participated in the survey, which identified the month they had sexual intercourse for the first time. The survey also asked if the act was with a romantic partner or was more “casual.”
The findings, published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, show June as the most popular month, followed closely by December. Summer and Christmas vacations are believed to be the cause with school out and teens with time on their hands. More events are also planned in June, including high school proms, graduations and summertime parties. The “holiday season effect” makes December the second highest month for teen sex. Experts explained that during the holidays, young females in relationships are more likely to have sex. The holidays usually bring people together and make them closer. The same is true with teenagers.

All studies indicate messages from parents regarding sex are extremely important to teens (Washington State Department of Health). In fact, teens state parents as their number one resource for information on the topic. This talk may be uncomfortable for many parents, so the National Parent Teacher Association (PTA) has provided the following tips for parents:

Practice. It may take practice to feel comfortable talking about sex with your kids. Rehearsing with a friend or partner can help. Be honest. Admit to your child if talking about sex is not easy for you. You might say, “I wish I’d talked with you about sex when you were younger, but I found it difficult and kept putting it off. My parents never talked to me about it, and I wish they had.”

Pay attention. Often parents do not talk to their teens about sex because they did not notice they wanted or needed information. Not all teens ask direct questions. Teenagers are often unwilling to admit they do not know everything. Notice what is going on with your child and use that as a basis for starting a conversation about sexual topics.

Look for chances to discuss the sexual roles and attitudes of men and women with your child. Use television show, ads and articles as a start.

Listen. When you give your full attention, you show that you respect your child’s thoughts and feelings. Listening also gives you a chance to correct wrong information they may have gotten from friends. As you listen, be sensitive to unasked questions. “My friend Mary is going out on a real date,” could lead to a discussion of how to handle feelings about touching and kissing.
Parents can also share their feelings on the topic through words and actions. The best way is to talk to teens. Even though it may seem like they are not listening – they are. To have a healthy and effective discussion on sex, the Advocates for Youth Campaign encourages parents to:
Educate yourself and talk with your children about issues of sexuality. Do not forget about discussing the importance of relationships, love, and commitment.

Discuss explicitly with preadolescents and teens the value of delaying sexual initiation and the importance of love and intimacy as well as of safer sex and protecting their health.

Encourage strong decision-making skills by providing youth with age-appropriate opportunities to make decisions and to experience the consequences of those decisions. Allow young people to make mistakes and encourage them to learn from them.

Encourage teens to create a resource list of organizations to which they can turn for assistance with sexual health, and other, issues. Work together to find books and Web sites that offer accurate information.

Actively support comprehensive sexuality education in the schools. Find out what is being taught about sexuality, who is teaching it, and what your teens think about it.

Actively voice your concerns if the sexuality education being taught in local public schools is biased, discriminatory, or inaccurate, has religious content, or promotes a particular creed or denomination.

Demonstrate unconditional love and respect for your children.

References
Advocates for Youth Campaign
Journal of Marriage and Family
National Parent Teacher Association
Washington State Department of Health

Sue Scheff: Keeping Teens from Cheating

Source: Connect with Kids

“You see it everywhere, you see it on the websites, all of these paper mills - places where you can buy papers, [there are] a variety of ways you can cheat, huge variety of ways. [And many teens think] ‘Well, if it’s so widespread, how could it be so wrong?’”

– Hal Thorsrud, Ph.D, assistant professor of philosophy, Agnes Scott College

“Hi YouTube, it’s me Kiki,” says a young teenage girl staring into her web camera. “Today I’m going to show you guys how to cheat on a test … the effective way.”

This video on YouTube, that had over 100,000 hits in the first week after it was posted, is a tutorial for cheating.

“I know it’s not a good thing to cheat,” Kiki continues, “it’s like academic dishonesty blah, blah, blah … but you know, everyone, I think everyone has at least done it once.”

Kids know cheating is wrong, but still they do it. Why?

“Sometimes the teacher doesn’t give us enough time on our work and we run out of time,” says one girl, “and we have no where else to go.”

“Students do it because they, like, don’t really care and they just want to get it done,” says another girl, “so they can go play and stuff.”

17-year-old Pat Foster says he cheated on a class assignment. “It was almost like second nature,” he says. “Not that I do it all the time, but you got to get it done. You don’t want to get a bad grade, you’re missing a couple of answers - here, scribble it down real quick.”

The problem was his teacher saw the whole thing.

“She looked down at my papers and asked me what I was doing. I looked up - I mean, I knew I was caught.”

He got detention, a one-day suspension and a zero on the assignment.

Did he learn a valuable lesson?

“You kind of learn to work the system,” Pat says. “Basically, by the time you’re a sophomore or junior you know the system and how to get around it. I mean, I know - I do try and do my homework. But if I’m going to cheat – quote-unquote cheat - I’ll do that before I get into class, instead of sitting right there in class where it’s very noticeable.”

Experts say parents need to teach their children that grades are simply one measure of learning – and that a good grade means nothing if you cheated.

“You’re ignoring that fact that you’re not really achieving anything,” says Hal Thorsrud, an assistant professor of philosophy. “It’s not an achievement to get a paper off of an Internet website. So, the best, I suppose the best way to confront the plagiarism problem in the long run is to really focus on the value of education. Just remove the desire to cheat, because you’re not going to remove the means.”

12-year-old Jessica Maledy says her parents have taught her the difference. “I think that you cheat yourself and you cheat everyone else when you cheat,” she says. “You’re using someone else’s credit, so you cheat both that person and yourself - cause it’s not your own work.”

Back in her bedroom, looking into her webcam, Kiki acknowledges that what she’s posting online is probably wrong and may get her in some trouble, “Hopefully my teachers do not see this video, cause that would be very awkward.”

Tips for Parents

A recent edition of the “Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth,” a comprehensive national survey on the ethics of young people administered by The Josephson Institute of Ethics showed the following concerning high school students:

Nearly two-thirds (71 percent) admit they cheated on an exam at least once in the past 12 months (45 percent said they did so two or more times)

Almost all (92 percent) lied to their parents in the past 12 months (79 percent said they did so two or more times)

Over two-thirds (78 percent) lied to a teacher (58 percent two or more times)

Over one-quarter (27 percent) said they would lie to get a job

Forty percent of males and 30 percent of females say they stole something from a store in the past 12 months

These statistics seem to be indicative of a drift away from the morals and values that parents traditionally associate with society in the United States. In the press release accompanying the preliminary result of the survey, Michael Josephson, founder and president of the Josephson Institute of Ethics and CHARACTER COUNTS!, called on politicians to recognize the vital importance of dealing with “shocking levels of moral illiteracy” as part of any educational reform package. Saying the survey data reveals “a hole in the moral ozone,” Josephson added: “Being sure children can read is certainly essential, but it is no less important that we deal with the alarming rate of cheating, lying and violence that threatens the very fabric of our society.”

When discussing issues of morality and values, how can a parent illustrate what it means to be a person of character? The Center for the 4th and 5th R’s provides the following examples of characteristics of an individual with a positive character. For example, a person of character …
Is trustworthy:

Honesty – Tell the truth. Be sincere. Don’t deceive, mislead or be devious or tricky. Don’t betray a trust. Don’t withhold important information in relationships of trust. Don’t steal. Don’t cheat.
Integrity – Stand up for your beliefs about right and wrong. Be your best self. Resist social pressures to do things you think are wrong. Walk your talk. Show commitment, courage and self-discipline.

Promise-keeping – Keep your word. Honor your commitments. Pay your debts. Return what you borrow.

Loyalty – Stand by, support, and protect your family, friends, employers, community and country. Don’t talk behind people’s backs, spread rumors, or engage in harmful gossip. Don’t violate other ethical principles to keep or win a friendship or gain approval. Don’t ask a friend to do something wrong.

Treats all people with respect:

Respect – Be courteous and polite. Judge all people on their merits. Be tolerant, appreciative and accepting of individual differences. Don’t abuse, demean or mistreat anyone. Don’t use, manipulate, exploit or take advantage of others. Respect the right of individuals to make decisions about their own lives.

Acts responsibly:

Accountability – Think before you act. Consider the possible consequences on all people affected by actions. Think for the long-term. Be reliable. Be accountable. Accept responsibility for the consequences of your choices. Don’t make excuses. Don’t blame others for your mistakes or take credit for others’ achievements. Set a good example for those who look up to you.
Pursue excellence – Do your best with what you have. Keep trying. Don’t quit or give up easily. Be diligent and industrious.

Self-control – Exercise self-control. Be disciplined.

Is fair and just:

Fairness – Treat all people fairly. Be open-minded. Listen to others and try to understand what they are saying and feeling. Make decisions which affect others only on appropriate considerations. Don’t take unfair advantage of others’ mistakes. Don’t take more than your fair share.

Is caring:

Caring and kindness – Show you care about others through kindness, caring, sharing and compassion. Live by the Golden Rule. Help others. Don’t be selfish. Don’t be mean, cruel or insensitive to other’s feelings. Be charitable.

Is a good citizen:

Citizenship – Play by the rules. Obey laws. Do your share. Respect authority. Stay informed. Vote. Protect your neighbors and community. Pay your taxes. Be charitable and altruistic. Help your community or school by volunteering service. Protect the environment. Conserve natural resources.

According to experts at CHARACTER COUNTS!, character building is most effective when you regularly see and seize opportunities to …

Strengthen awareness of moral obligations and the moral significance of choices (ethical consciousness).

Enhance the desire to do the right thing (ethical commitment).

Improve the ability to foresee potential consequences, devise options and implement principled choices (ethical competency).

When trying to instill morals and values to your child, experts at CHARACTER COUNTS! say it is important to …

Be consistent – The moral messages you send must be clear, consistent and repetitive. Children will judge your values not by what you say but by what you do and what you permit them to do. They will judge you not by your best moments but by your last worst act. Thus, everything you say and do, and all that you allow to be said and done in your presence, either reinforces or undermines the credibility of your messages about the importance of good character. Over and over, use the specific language of the core virtues – trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring and citizenship – and be as firm and consistent as you can be about teaching, advocating, modeling and enforcing these “Six Pillars of Character.” When you are tired, rushed or under pressure you are most tempted to rationalize. It may help to remember that the most powerful and lasting lessons about character are taught by making tough choices when the cost of doing the right thing is high.

Be concrete – Messages about good attitudes, character traits and conduct should be explicit, direct and specific. Building character and teaching ethics is not an academic undertaking; it must be relevant to the lives and experiences of your children. Talk about character and choices in situations that your children have been in. Comment on and discuss things their friends and teachers have done in terms of the “Six Pillars of Character.”

Be creative – Effective character development should be creative. It should be active and involve the child in real decision-making that has real consequences (such as teaching responsibility through allocating money from an allowance or taking care of a pet). Games and role-playing are also effective. Look for “teaching moments,” using good and bad examples from television, movies and the news.

References
The Josephson Institute of Ethics
CHARACTER COUNTS!
Center for the 4th and 5th R’s
“Turn It In” Plagiarism Prevention Program
National Education Association

Sue Scheff: Parent-Teen Sex Talk

Source: Connect with Kids

“I always get a little bit nervous because I always worry about what they might ask me about my own life.”

– Judy Crim, Mother

When 12-year-old Sean Crim has a question about sex he asks his mother. “I would probably rather get information about sex from my parents. They always tell me the truth and they’ve never really lied to me about anything,” he says.

But for his mom, talking about sex isn’t easy. “I always get a little bit nervous because I always worry about what they might ask me about my own life,” says Judy Crim.

It’s an issue for lots of parents. If your children ask about your life before marriage, how would you answer? Sean’s mom says it’s happened to her.

Judy says, “We talk about what was going on when I was a teenager, what teenagers were actively doing. And they’ll say mom did you do any of that?”

It’s an awkward question. Experts say if you are too uncomfortable…you don’t have to answer.

Leola Reis of Planned Parenthood says, “They are still the parent and some of that is not really appropriate. I don’t think you need to lie, I think you can withhold that information. ‘This conversation is not really about me and what I did. It’s what my hopes are for you. And let me tell you some of the things I’ve learned.’”

But if you decide to talk about your past, experts say don’t lie, and remember that you don’t have to say too much. Reis suggests sentences like ”I’m not really comfortable with some of the things I did as a young person.’”

Still, your past can be a lesson for kids about avoiding mistakes. Judy Crim says, “I can also offer them if I made a choice to do something, what regret did I have to live with? What guilt do I have to live with? And how did that affect my life?”


Tips for Parents
Recent studies have shown a decrease in the prevalence of many sexual behaviors among high school students throughout the United States, including sexual intercourse. Further, studies from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention show the percentage of sexually active students who used a condom at last intercourse continued to increase.

Even though the number of sexually active teens is in decline, the percentage of sexually active teens is still alarming. Consider the following statistics taken from a recent Youth Risk Behavior Survey:

Nationwide, 47.8% of students had ever had sexual intercourse (Table 61). Overall, the prevalence of having had sexual intercourse was higher among male (49.8%) than female (45.9%) students; higher among black male (72.6%) and Hispanic male (58.2%) than black female (60.9%) and Hispanic female (45.8%) students, respectively; and higher among 9th-grade male (38.1%) than 9th-grade female (27.4%) students.
7.1% of students had had sexual intercourse for the first time before age 13 years
14.9% of students had had sexual intercourse with four or more persons during their life
35.0% of students had had sexual intercourse with at least one person during the 3 months before the survey
Among the 35.0% of currently sexually active students nationwide, 61.5% reported that either they or their partner had used a condom during last sexual intercourse
Open communication and accurate information from parents increase the chance that teens will postpone sex. According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, in talking with your child or adolescent, it is helpful to:

Encourage your child to talk and ask questions.
Maintain a calm and non-critical atmosphere for discussions.
Use words that are understandable and comfortable.
Try to determine your child’s level of knowledge and understanding.
Keep your sense of humor and don’t be afraid to talk about your own discomfort.
Relate sex to love, intimacy, caring and respect for oneself and one’s partner.
Be open in sharing your values and concerns.
Discuss the importance of responsibility for choices and decisions.
Help your child to consider the pros and cons of choices.
By developing open, honest and ongoing communication about responsibility, sex and choice, parents can help their youngsters learn about sex in a healthy and positive manner.


References
Centers for Disease Control & Prevention
American Social Health Association
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry

Exercise Reduces Drug Use by Connect with Kids

By http://www.connectwithkids.com/

“Studies show that children that are involved in activities and have less time on their hands tend to stay away from drugs easier than kids than kids that have nothing to do after school.”

– David Karol Gore, Phd., Psychologist

17-year old Mururi began using drugs at an early age.

“I mean it started off only on weekends when I was twelve but by thirteen, I was like, ‘I need to get high man. This is boring.’”

Boredom. Researchers at Davidson College studied the affects of cocaine and exercise on rats. They found that when rats get more exercise, they want less cocaine than those who don’t exercise at all.

Experts say, in humans, exercise has the same effect on the reward systems of the brain as do drugs.

Still, as family psychologist, David Karol Gore explains, the way exercise prevents some kids from using drugs may be as simple as this: “Studies show that children that are involved in activities and have less time on their hands tend to stay away from drugs easier than kids than kids that have nothing to do after school.”

His advice?

“Look real carefully at what their teenagers are doing. They need to see how involved they are in activities and if they are not what are they doing with their time.”

Tips for Parents

A study from Columbia University shows that youth who are bored and who have access to extra cash are more likely to abuse drugs. For their study, researchers with the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse surveyed 1,987 children aged 12 to 17 and 504 parents, 403 of whom were parents of the surveyed children. They found that kids who are frequently bored are 50% more likely to smoke, drink and use illegal drugs. And those who had $25 or more a week in spending money were nearly twice as likely to succumb to substance abuse. Consider these additional statistics about teens and drug abuse cited by the National Institute on Drug Abuse:

In 2007, the percentage of 8th graders reporting lifetime use of any illicit drug declined was 19%.

In 2007, 15.4% of 12th graders reported using a prescription drug non-medically within the past year. Vicodin continues to be abused at unacceptably high levels.

Between 2005 and 2007, past year abuse of MDMA (ecstasy) increased among 12th graders from 3.0% to 4.5%; and between 2004 and 2007, past year abuse of MDMA increased among 10th graders from 2.4% to 3.5%.

It is important that family members feel as though they can talk to each other about tough issues, such as drug use. Part of this early, open communication includes being a good listener. As a parent, consider adopting these listening techniques provided by the American Council for Drug Education (ACDE):

Give your child an opportunity to talk. Stop talking and give your child sufficient time to complete his or her thoughts and process what has been said.

Demonstrate interest by asking appropriate questions. Questions can help you clarify your child's thoughts and suggestions. Be sure that you are interpreting what has been said correctly.
Listen to the complete message. Listen to the total message before forming a response.
Encourage your child to talk. Use door-opening statements ("You seem distracted today" or "Tell me what is going on") that invite a response.

Focus on content, not delivery. Avoid being distracted by your child's poor grammar or manners. It is what is being said that is important.

Listen for main ideas. Try to pick out the central theme of the conversation.

Deal effectively with emotionally charged language. Be aware of words or phrases that produce anxiety and trigger emotions.

Identify areas of common experience and agreement. Note similar experiences of your own or offer a shared point of view to communicate acceptance and understanding.

Deal effectively with whatever blocks you from listening. Be aware of personal blocks that may prevent you from hearing what your child is saying.

Substance abuse can be an overwhelming issue with which to deal, but it doesn't have to be. The Partnership for a Drug-Free America offers the following strategies to put into practice so that your child can reap the rewards of a healthy, drug-free life:

Be your child's greatest fan. Compliment him or her on all of his or her efforts, strength of character and individuality.

Involve your child in adult-supervised after-school activities. Ask him or her what types of activities he or she is interested in and contact the school principal or guidance counselor to find out what activities are available. Sometimes it takes a bit of experimenting to find out which activities your child is best suited for, but it's worth the effort - feeling competent makes children much less likely to use drugs.

Help your child develop tools he can use to get out of alcohol- or drug-related situations. Let him or her know he or she can use you as an excuse: "My mom would kill me if I smoked marijuana!"
Get to know your child's friends and their parents. Set appointments for yourself to call them and check-in to make sure they share your views on alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. Steer your child away from any friends who use drugs.

Call teens' parents if their home is to be used for a party. Make sure that the party will be alcohol-free and supervised by adults.

Set curfews and enforce them. Let your child know the consequences of breaking curfew.
Set a no-use rule for alcohol, tobacco and other drugs.

Sit down for dinner with your child at least once a week. Use the time to talk - don't eat in front of the television.

Get – and stay – involved in your child's life.

References
American Council for Drug Education
Davidson College
National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse
National Institute on Drug Abuse
Partnership for a Drug-Free America

Obesity Top Concern for Kids by Connect with Kids

“Do it as a family. Kick them off the couch, get your exercise, stock your house with all kinds of healthy things and try to establish good eating habits, good healthful behaviors.”

– Kathleen Zelman, American Dietetic Association

American kids are getting fatter.

Is it the food they eat? Fifteen-year-old Tony says his diet was definitely unhealthy. “Chips, popcorn, soda, you name it. If it was there, I’d eat it,” he says.

How much they eat? Eighteen-year-old Matt admits he used to go overboard. “I would eat whole bags of potato chips. … We’d have two-liter bottles of soda; I’d drink probably the whole two liters … in a night,” he says.

Is it lack of exercise? “It’s OK if we want to sit at home, and play video games, and eat all day, and do nothing. I mean, our society has kind of put us that way,” says Jonathan, 16.

Or too much stress? Pediatric dietician Marilyn Tanner says, “It’s very common for kids – and adults – to use food as sort of a coping mechanism.”

The answer? It is all of these.

And according to the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, for the first time this year, childhood obesity tops the list of concerns parents have for their children.

But how can parents turn the tide?

Kathleen Zelman of the American Dietetic Association says: “Do it as a family. Kick them off the couch, get your exercise, stock your house with all kinds of healthy things and try to establish good eating habits, good healthful behaviors.”

Brenda Johnson, mother of an overweight child agrees. “Then it becomes a part of your lifestyle, and that’s what we’re trying to do. We’re trying to change our lifestyle to not being sedentary, but being active and making better choices,” she says.

It isn’t easy. And television, cars and fast food don’t make it any easier, but making better choices means exercise and a healthy diet.

Fifteen-year-old Tony knows that it takes hard work to shed extra pounds. “I wish, wish, there was some kind of a magic pill you could take, but there isn’t. You just gotta struggle through it,” he says.

Tips for Parents

In the past 30 years, childhood obesity has doubled for children between the ages of 2 and 5 and tripled for 6- to-11-year-olds. More than 15 percent of children between 6 and 19 are considered obese. Countering that trend, child advocates say, will require nothing less than a multi-pronged national effort.

Today, less than 6 percent of high schools require juniors and seniors to take physical education. There is also an "enormous decrease" in the number of school playgrounds. And recess has disappeared in many elementary schools where principals, anxious about preparing students for high-stakes standardized tests, have deemed it "nonproductive."

Efforts are under way to reinstate physical education. Recommendations include a minimum of 150 minutes a week for elementary school students and 225 minutes for high school students.
The Council of Educational Facility Planners International dropped its recommendations calling for vast acreage for large school sites, which will give school districts more flexibility in locating schools on smaller sites in places accessible by walking and biking
By one estimate, 65 percent of students walked to school 30 years ago. Today only 10 percent do.

For more than 14 million children, accounting for 25 percent of students between kindergarten and 12th grade, no parent is home after school. The child must take care of himself or herself. Many receive strict instructions from parents: Lock the door and don't go outside. It's a recipe for inactivity and an opportunity to snack. Only 11 percent of students (6.5 million) attend after-school programs, where they are likely to get a nutritious snack and take part in fitness activities.
The reasons for childhood obesity are complex and cannot be pigeonholed in a single or few causes.

Among the reasons experts cite are:

Kids’ backpacks are too heavy for walking too school.
Children rely on school buses or family vehicles for daily transportation.
Parents are concerned for kids’ safety and no longer permit outside, unsupervised play.
More homework allows less time for play.
Many schools have stopped scheduling recess.
Toy vehicles of today are not kid-powered, but battery-powered.
Computer games stimulate sports, rather than kids actually playing the sport.
Kids often eat due to stress or boredom.
Although cafeteria menus are coming under fire, the problem goes beyond what children eat to include when they eat. Crowded schools must extend lunch hours to serve everyone. An early lunch hour may come when the kids aren't hungry, they may not eat a healthy meal, and then they'll snack later. With a late lunch hour, kids might snack first and not be hungry for a good lunch. Finally, students also have limited time to eat. We're trying to get them to eat healthier food, but that takes time to chew.

References
C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
The Christian Science Monitor
KidsHealth
WebMD Health

Online Learning

By Connect with Kids


“Make time for [exercise] because once you get out of it, it’s so hard to get back in.”

– Tori, 16 years old

They run and play and participate in all sorts of sports. But what happens when little kids become teens?

“After a while, you just become like a couch potato,” says Tori, 16.

When she was a cheerleader in middle school, Tori got plenty of exercise. Now she’s 16, and she admits she hasn’t exercised regularly in years.

“I’m not physically fit,” she says. “I mean, I’m skinny, but I guess it’s just because I have a fast metabolism. But physically fit? Noooo!”

A study in the Journal of the American Medical Association followed more than one thousand children aged 9 to 15.

97% were active when they were 9-years-old, but by the time they were 15, only 31% of teens were meeting the recommended sixty minutes of vigorous physical activity during the week. And only 17% met that target on the weekend.

The older they got, the less they exercised!

Experts speculate, for some it’s just laziness, for other, interests change, or they’re simply too busy.

Tori agrees: “School starts to get harder, and you get more homework, and you want to spend more time with your friends and you need more sleep.”

Still, experts warn that teens must find a way to remain active otherwise they risk becoming obese or sick later in life. Parents can help by getting involved in activities with their children.

“Whether it’s running and pulling a kite in the wind or going out throwing a Frisbee or going for a walk with your dog, if you incorporate those things, you’re just gonna have a better quality of life,” says Jon Crosby, an Atlanta-based sports and fitness trainer.

Tori’s advice to fellow teens: “Make time for [exercise] because once you get out of it, it’s so hard to get back in.”

Tips for Parents

Many studies have found similar results to the UC- San Diego study. University of Pittsburgh researchers report that as girls age, they increasingly get less and less exercise. In their study, published in The New England Journal of Medicine, the researchers evaluated the exercise habits of 1,213 black girls and 1,166 white girls for 10 years, beginning at age 9 or 10. By the time the girls were 16 or 17, nearly 56% of the black girls and nearly 31% of the white girls reported no regular exercise participation at all outside of school.

While this study focused on teenage girls, other research shows that participation in physical activity is decreasing among all American children. The National Association for Sport & Physical Education reports that only 25% of all U.S. kids are physically active. And while most parents believe that their children are getting enough exercise during school hours, the President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports (PCPFS) says that only 17% of middle or junior high schools and 2% of senior high schools require daily physical activity for all students.

As a result of this physical inactivity, more and more children are becoming obese. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 13% of children aged 6 to 11 and 18% of teens aged 12 to 19 are overweight. These same overweight adolescents also have a 70% chance of becoming overweight or obese adults and are at an increased risk for developing health problems, such as heart disease, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and some forms of cancer. In fact, the PCPFS reports that physical inactivity contributes to 300,000 preventable deaths a year in the United States.

Besides preventing the onset of certain diseases, regular physical exercise can also help your child in the following ways, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:

Helps control weight
Helps build and maintain healthy bones, muscles and joints
Improves flexibility
Helps burn off stress
Promotes psychological well-being
Reduces feelings of depression and anxiety
As a parent, you need to emphasize to your child the importance of physical activity. This can often be a difficult task, as you may encounter some resistance from a child who enjoys sedentary activities like watching television and surfing the Internet. The American Council on Exercise (ACE) recommends the following guidelines for easing your child into an active lifestyle:

Don’t just tell your child that exercise is fun; show him or her! Get off the couch and go biking, rock climbing or inline skating with your child. Skip rope or shoot baskets with him or her.
Invite your child to participate in vigorous household tasks, such as tending the garden, washing the car or raking leaves. Demonstrate the value of these chores as quality physical activity.
Plan outings and activities that involve some walking, like a trip to the zoo, a nature hike or even a trip to the mall.
Set an example for your child and treat exercise as something to be done on a regular basis, like brushing your teeth or cleaning your room.
Concentrate on the positive aspects of exercise. It can be a chance for your family to have some fun together. Avoid competition, discipline and embarrassment, which can turn good times into bad times. Praise your child for trying and doing.
Keep in mind that your child is not always naturally limber. His or her muscles may be tight and vulnerable to injury during growth spurts. Be sure to include stretching as part of your child’s fitness activities.
Exercise and nutrition go hand in hand. Instead of high-calorie foods and snacks, turn your child on to fruits and low- or non-fat foods.
If you discover that your teen is having trouble staying motivated to exercise, the American Academy of Family Physicians suggests these strategies:

Choose an activity that your child likes to do. Make sure it suits him or her physically, too.
Encourage your child to get a partner. Exercising with a friend can make it more fun.
Tell your child to vary his or her routine. Your child may be less likely to get bored or injured if he or she changes his or her exercise routine. Your child could walk one day and bicycle the next.
Ensure that your child is active during a comfortable time of day. Don’t allow him or her to work out too soon after eating or when it’s too hot or cold outside. And make sure your child drinks plenty of fluids to stay hydrated during physical activity.
Remind your child not to get discouraged. It can take weeks or months before he or she notices some of the changes from and benefits of exercise.
Tell your child to forget “no pain, no gain.” While a little soreness is normal after your child first starts exercising, pain isn’t. He or she should stop if hurt.
With a little encouragement and help from you, your child will be up and moving in no time!

References
American Academy of Family Physicians
American Council on Exercise
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
National Association for Sport & Physical Education
Office of the Surgeon General
President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports
The New England Journal of Medicine

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) More Teens Are Getting Plastic Surgery

By Connect with Kids

“I could not stand to look in the mirror one more day looking at me the way I was. I just couldn’t do it.”

– Ashleigh Giglio, 18 years old

The body changes … the teasing. Our insecurity with our own bodies begins in puberty and can continue throughout life. How should parents respond when teenagers say they hate the way they look?

Ashleigh, 18, recently had plastic surgery on her nose to correct a bump caused by a childhood injury. “After she had it done she’s been a different person,” says her mom, Ridley Giglio. “She’s happy. She’s happy all the time.”

Like Ashleigh, many kids grow up disappointed with the way they look.

In 2007, 11.7 million Americans had cosmetic surgery. More than 200,000 were just teens.

But is cosmetic surgery a good option for younger teenagers? Experts say probably not, unless the anxiety is extreme. “The time that parents really need start getting concerned is when these concerns that a teenager has actually gets in the way of them doing things,” says child psychiatrist Shannon Croft. “They don’t want to go to school because somebody is going to notice how they look. They start avoiding social situations, party’s friends they normally would go to,” he says.

Most of the time, concerns about appearance are normal, and dissipate over time, Croft says. “Usually as people get older they get more comfortable with how they look and their body, and a lot of these concerns will diminish on their own.”

Ashleigh’s younger sister Angela wants cosmetic surgery, too. But her mother has decided that at age 14 she is too young. “Angela, that would be something when she’s older, evaluate it then. I just think right now, she’s got the family nose. And there’s nothing wrong with that,” Ridley Giglio says.

Tips for Parents

For most children, adolescence is time of introspection and self-evaluation. Virtually every facet of their lives is put under a microscope as they try to determine where and how they “fit in’ with their family, their peers, and the world at large. Typically, part of this self-evaluation process is focused upon physical appearance. Unfortunately for some teens, the nature of their evaluation tends to be hypercritical, and not very well based in reality. For example, a teenager may become convinced that her nose is too big, her breasts are too small, his teeth are crooked, her hips are too big, and other common misconceptions. Regardless of whether the perceived flaws are real or imagined, the emotional upset and pain experienced by these teens is very real and very painful to them.

How can parents help their teens deal with body image misperceptions? Dr. Rex Forehand, a psychologist specializing in child and adolescent issues, suggests that parents consider the following ideas in helping their children deal with their negative feelings.

Listen and respond when your child talks about negative perceptions of her or himself.
Don't just "wave it off". The negative perception may not be true, but it is important to your child.

Talk and respond with empathy but don't dwell on the negative perception (don't bring it up).
If the negative perception is false, reassure your child. If there is some truth to the negative perception (your child does have ears that stick out, acne, etc.), "counter argue" by presenting the positives of your child.

Work on building your child's self-esteem by:
limiting negative feedback to your child;
praising his efforts and positive behavior;
spending quality time with your child;
accepting your child by communicating love and affection;
teaching your child to use positive self-talk. That is, encourage your child to say positive things about him or herself whenever they do something positive. Parents can do this through modeling by complimenting themselves whenever they do something positive, and by complimenting their child by using phrases such as "you should be so proud of yourself for..."

References
American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery
Grady Healthcare Systems

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Binge Drinking and Teens

By Connect with Kids

“There’s this idea that drinking, getting drunk, being a part of a group … is somehow a part of our growing up, and everybody’s going to do it.”

– Robert Margolis, Ph.D., clinical psychologist

Binge drinking is considered to be a rite of passage for teenagers across the country. “I drank a liter of tequila in an hour, and I went to this pizza place, and I passed out in the parking lot. I woke up the next morning,” remembers Cleophus Randolph, a 22-year-old college student.

Suzanne Graham had a similar experience: “This summer I went kind of crazy, the summer after senior year, I passed out in someone’s backyard. It was not good, and I was throwing up pretty heavily the next day and all that night.”

The consequences can range from sickness to far worse — “where they don’t get a second chance because they get alcohol poisoning. Their heart rate and their body metabolism slows down and, for whatever reason, they don’t recover from it. If you drink enough alcohol you die,” explains Dr. Robert Margolis, clinical psychologist.

His advice is to set clear boundaries for your children. Tell them what to expect, teach them how to say no, and, most of all, start early. He says middle school is the perfect time. “Those are the years when you really need to start talking about those messages, so you can help them form appropriate expectations about drinking, particularly in regard to important issues like, you can be accepted without having to drink.”

Dr. Margolis empathizes with parents who feel they’re standing alone against a part of the culture that believes teenage drinking is inevitable. “There’s this idea that drinking, getting drunk, being a part of a group, that we’re all gonna go out and get drunk, is somehow a part of our growing up, and everybody’s going to do it.”

And, sadly every year some kids die — an estimated 1,400 students die from alcohol related causes. Another 500,000 suffer serious injuries. In fact, getting “wasted” is so common that some kids even think it’s funny, like 18-year-old Jason Morgan: “I’ve had friends just outside the door, heaving. It wasn’t bad, it was a good time for most, and entertaining for the sober people to laugh at them, so it was pretty fun.”

Tips for Parents

Research defines binge drinking as having five or more drinks in a row. Reasons adolescents give for binge drinking include: to get drunk, the status associated with drinking, the culture of drinking on campus, peer pressure and academic stress. Binge drinkers are 21 times more likely to: miss class, fall behind in schoolwork, damage property, injure themselves, engage in unplanned and/or unprotected sex, get in trouble with the police, and drink and drive.

Young people who binge drink could be risking serious damage to their brains now and increasing memory loss later in adulthood. Adolescents may be even more vulnerable to brain damage from excessive drinking than older drinkers. Consider the following:

The average girl takes her first sip of alcohol at age 13. The average boy takes his first sip of alcohol at age 11.

Underage drinking causes over $53 billion in criminal, social and health problems.

Seventy-seven percent of young drinkers get their liquor at home, with or without permission.

Students who are binge drinkers in high school are three times more likely to binge drink in college.

Nearly 25 percent of college students report frequent binge drinking, that is, they binged three or more times in a two-week period.

Autopsies show that patients with a history of chronic alcohol abuse have smaller, less massive and more shrunken brains.

Alcohol abstinence can lead to functional and structural recovery of alcohol-damaged brains.
Alcohol is America’s biggest drug problem. Make sure your child understands that alcohol is a drug and that it can kill him/her. Binge drinking is far more pervasive and dangerous than boutique pills and other illicit substances in the news. About 1,400 students will die of alcohol-related causes this year. An additional 500,000 will suffer injuries.

A study by the Harvard School of Public Health showed that 51 percent of male college students and 40 percent of female college students engaged in binge drinking in the previous two weeks. Half of these drinkers binged frequently (more than three times per week). College students who binge drink report:

Interruptions in sleep or study habits (71 percent).
Caring for an intoxicated student (57 percent).
Being insulted or humiliated (36 percent).
An unwanted sexual experience (23 percent).
A serious argument (23 percent).
Damaging property (16 percent).
Being pushed, hit or assaulted (11 percent).
Being the victim of a sexual advance assault or date rape (1 percent).

Students must arrive on college campuses with the ability to resist peer pressure and knowing how to say no to alcohol. For many youngsters away from home for the first time, it is difficult to find the courage to resist peer pressure and the strength to answer peer pressure with resounding no. Parents should foster such ability in their child's early years and nurture it throughout adolescence. Today’s youth needs constant care from parents and community support to make the best decisions for their wellbeing.

References
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Harvard School of Public Health
National Youth Violence Prevention Center

Sue Scheff: Internet Gossip

By Connect with Kids

After chat rooms, instant messaging, and social forums became popular, a new word entered our vocabulary: cyber-bullying. It's been a problem almost since the Internet was invented but studies now show that online harassment and bullying has increased over 50 percent since 2000.

Read entire article here: http://www.connectwithkids.com/tipsheet/2008/388_jun4/thisweek/080604_gossip.shtml

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Girls Dating Older Boys

By Connect with Kids

“Girls, definitely, tell me that they feel like they have to do the sexual requests, they have to honor the sexual requests of their boyfriends, or they will get dumped. And there are a lot of girls that are feeling pressure that way.”

– Dr. Nancy McGarrah, Ph.D., licensed psychologist

Typically, parents worry when their daughters begin dating, but they really worry when their daughter goes out with an older boy. According to a recent study, parents have good reason to be concerned.

Sarah is 19 and her boyfriend is 22.

“Because I am dating an older guy … I am more open to alcohol, just because I can ask him, ‘Hey, can you go to the store and buy me something?’” says Sarah Lim, 19.

She says another risk of dating an older guy is being pressured into having sex.

“I think a lot of guys, especially in high school, will go for younger girls just because they’ll give it up, you know,” says Lim.

In fact, according to a study by the non-profit group Child Trends, one in five girls has dated a boy at least three years older than she, and 10 percent say they’ve had sex with an older boy before they turned 16.

“Girls, definitely, tell me that they feel like they have to do the sexual requests, they have to honor the sexual requests of their boyfriends, or they will get dumped. And there are a lot of girls that are feeling pressure that way,” says Dr. Nancy McGarrah, Ph.D., licensed psychologist.

What’s more, according to the study, girls who date older guys are less likely to use protection, more likely to become pregnant, and twice as likely to acquire a sexually transmitted disease (STD).

“Frequently, the younger girl is naïve. Sometimes she doesn’t have the assertiveness to stand up for herself and demand that a condom be used,” says McGarrah.

“When guys are older…girls will trust them. ‘Oh, he knows what he’s talking about. He has more experience,’” says Lim.

Experts say parents need to set ground rules, such as they can only date someone one grade above or below, and only go on group dates until they’re 16. And if your daughter argues, experts say:

“Explain to them that you trust them and you know that they are a mature person, but at the same time there are different levels of maturity. And just like they are not ready to get married, they are not ready to have babies, they are also not ready to be in relationships with people significantly older than they are,” says McGarrah.

Tips for Parents

When a boyfriend or girlfriend uses verbal insults, mean language, nasty putdowns, gets physical by hitting or slapping, or forces someone into sexual activity, it's an important warning sign of verbal, emotional or physical abuse. Ask yourself, does my boyfriend or girlfriend: (Nemours Foundation)

Get angry when I don't drop everything for him or her?

Criticize the way I look or dress, and say I'll never be able to find anyone else who would date me?

Keep me from seeing friends or from talking to any other guys or girls?

Want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?

Ever raise a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit me?

Try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that's the case?

Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these qualities:
Mutual respect. Does he or she “get” how cool you are and why? The key is that your BF or GF is into you for who you are — for your personality, great sense of humor, love of the same movies, commitment to sports or the arts, etc. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is — and would never challenge the other person's boundaries. (Nemours Foundation)

Trust. You're talking with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd never cheat on him? It's okay to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other. (Nemours Foundation)

Support. It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart, but can't take being there when things are going right (and vice versa). In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play. (Nemours Foundation)

Good communication. You've probably heard lots of stuff about how men and women don't seem to speak the same language. We all know how many different meanings the little phrase "no, nothing's wrong" can have, depending on who's saying it! But what's important is to ask if you're not sure what he or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that the miscommunication is avoided in the first place. (Nemours Foundation)

Think about the qualities you value in a friendship and see how they match up with the ingredients of a healthy relationship. Work on developing those good qualities in yourself — they make you a lot more attractive to others. (Nemours Foundation)

References
Nemours Foundation